All of my life, I have had an easy going mindset. I was very flexible when it came to plans and schedules. You could have decided we should go hiking as we are walking out the door dressed in heels and a dress and I would have said “okay cool, give me five minutes to change.” I didn’t see the point in getting worked up over a little change, it’s going to happen in our lives everyday whether we want it or not. Something my family always said was “God looks at our plans and laughs.” I can attest to this. For example,
I planned to go on a mission trip to Africa in high school, then Isis happened.
I planned go to college to get my nursing degree, then I ended up nannying and working at a school. (discovering my love for working with kids)
I planned to go back to college when I moved to Texas in 2018, then I was called to Romania to work with orphans.
I planned on marrying a green or blue eyed man that I met somewhere nay ANYWHERE in America, and now I am in love and engaged to a (handsome) brown eyed Romanian that I met here in Romania.
This is my life, so why bother getting upset about change when you could look at it as a little unexpected adventure or challenge?
(Well, this is how I used to think)
After moving to Romania 4 months later than I planned during an unexpected pandemic to work with children in orphanages that we couldn’t go see, I had taken on the terrible habit of scheduling and planning out my days (mainly through lists.) Now, many of you would say “this isn’t such a bad thing Dacey, it’s actually great,” others might say (as I do) “how did you manage to go from not being a planner to being a compulsive scheduler during a time when everything can change at the drop of a hat?” Well, my friends, the answer is artificial control. I say artificial because I’m still not in control of anything if I really think about it, (which I like to avoid thinking about). However, the feeling that I get when I write the smallest details such as, “7:30 a.m. wake up” and I succeed in this achievement in 2020/21 I feel extremely accomplished about my life.
The problem with this, is that control became my crutch during these hard times. Instead of running to God, I would go make a list of things to do, or write something in my planner that I KNEW I could achieve. I wanted to do something to make myself feel good because I wasn’t trusting that the Lord had that ability. I didn’t trust that God was STILL in control. My tiny accomplishments became my idols.
I think during 2020 many of us had this mindset of, “well this gives me a chance to spend more time with the Lord and work on my relationship with Him.” When in reality, we all felt so out of control during this time that we needed to find something that made us feel like things were going to be okay. Some things I did for example were, remodeling my RV, reorganizing the pantry, going through the place and getting rid of clutter, working out, etc. None of these things are bad, but when I use them to distract myself and to take back control of my life by MYSELF, that’s when they became a problem.
Thankfully, I came to my senses and knew that I was not dealing with this very well, and the peace, security, and joy that I was looking for through my own control, were faltering. So I turned to God and opened His word to 1 Peter 5:6 “Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because her cares for you.” God cares for me, my lists don’t care for me, nor does my planner, and nor do my accomplishments. I had to admit to the Lord that I don’t understand any of this. I feel completely out of control in my life, this year has been so hard, and no matter how many things I accomplish on my lists or how well I follow my schedule, it will never make me feel the TRUE security, peace, and joy that comes from the Lord. So as I serve here in Romania for Stepping Forward Ministries, working with children that I cannot meet with right now, I choose to turn to the Lord. I choose to humble myself before Him and admit that nothing I do will change this, I choose to cast my anxieties, fears, and doubts on Him, and I choose to trust Him and His timing. And God never breaks His promises. (2 Corinthians 1:20, Psalm 33:4, 1 Corinthians 1:9, Joshua 21:45, Romans 4:21, Lamentations 2:17, and more)
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you.
I do not give to you as the world gives.
Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.”
John 14:27
Dacey McCombs