I have pride issues. I know, I know. You are saying, “Don’t we all?” Well, yes, we do. But God has been dealing with me. One of my favorite lines in “The Rookie” is when Lorri (Rachel Griffiths) said, “Jim Morris, I’m a Texas woman, which means I don’t need the help of a man to keep things running.”
I’ve always felt I could do anything. By myself! Like a little two year old stomping her feet saying, “I do it myself!!” And it’s not like I can’t do things if I put my mind to it. Sometimes though, as I’m realizing, I need help. Well, fast forward to a foreign country, and add a big city, in a foreign language, and I can be a big hot mess. We Americans, especially myself, pride ourselves on Individuality. I’m still that person who likes to be able to drive herself anywhere she wants to go… Go to the store and buy what she needs when needed…Take care of bills, etc… By MYSELF.
Unfortunately, and fortunately (because God disciplines those He loves) I can’t seem to do any of those things here. I have needed help at every turn. I have no sense of direction and when the Moovit app or gps doesn’t work or I don’t understand it, I need help. When we drive and don’t understand how to get around, we need guidance. When we need to pay bills, our landlord and Cami and David have to show us how. When I go to the store and can’t read and understand the language and need a particular item or medicine, I have to rely on English speakers to help. Ugh!!!
But God. But God comes in and shows me Himself. He shows me that I’ve been relying too much on myself and not leaning on Him. And the truth is, if I’m not leaning on Him, especially here in Romania where everything is different and harder for me, how in the world am I to dream BIG? How is He supposed to carry out His plans if I’m trying to rely on my strength for everything? It won’t happen!! I do not have the skills or fortitude to push and try to make things happen. And I am so GLAD!
As we look at a new year and continuing to seek God’s will for us here, my goal is to listen more and really lean in so I can be a part of His plan. I don’t want to serve, just to serve. I really want to focus in on Him and His dreams for these precious people here and what part we are supposed to play.
Our hearts have leaned toward the older orphans. What will they do when they leave the orphanage at 18? What opportunities do they have? What help will they have with life skills? We are seeking God to see if this is the area He wants us to focus on. Please pray for us as we sit at His feet and seek His will.
As you start your new year, I pray that you will seek His will for your life and that you will dream BIG and watch what God does in Your midst! I’ve heard that if your dreams can be accomplished by yourself, you haven’t dreamt big enough. If they can only be accomplished with God, you are on the right track!
“To live in the will of God will always cost us our pride. Pride and God’s will are in the direct opposition.”
First 15 Devotional